Lovely Simplerista,

Whenever you're feeling something uncomfortable, instead of trying to make it go away, try to make it bigger.

That's right. If you're feeling like shit, instead of trying to feel better, try and see if you can feel even shittier.

I'm writing this as much for myself as I'm writing it for you, to be honest. I have to remind myself too. It's not the normal thing to do. It's not what most of us have been taught. But it's what works.

Just a few minutes ago, I was working out, and, frankly, I wasn't enjoying it. I was purely thinking about getting it over with, about the benefits of working out, not the enjoyment of it. Catching myself, and getting present, I could feel how much I resented it. I stayed with it, and I could feel how much I hate my body. I judge it. I make it wrong. I think it should be bigger in certain places and smaller in others. Stronger, more flexible. More cooperative, more responsive to diet and exercise. I think my body should be different than it is in a lot of ways.

These are all old thoughts I've picked up a long time ago, so I just focused on how all that body-hate actually felt in my body, and allowed it to get bigger as best as I could.

It didn't exactly make it all go way, but it did bring me into alignment with reality, and that feels a lot better than being in opposition to reality.

I've experienced many times in the past, though, where just the simple act of making a feeling bigger would actually make it go away rather quickly.

The trick is, once you let it get bigger, you realize you actually have some power in the situation: You can choose how you respond. Trying to make it smaller just ends up making it stay stuck. Trying to make it bigger brings awareness to it, it can move, and eventually it'll subside.

So next time you're facing some emotional experience you don't like, just try to make it even bigger, and see what happens.

Also, worth noting that the very part of me that judges myself will tend to make me do things (like overeat, eat bad foods, not exercise, etc.) that will keep me "wrong" in the eyes of that part. After all, if my body was "right", there'd be nothing to judge. Same as how the "perfectionist" will make sure you stay "imperfect".

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Lots of love,
–Calvin